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A Spoonful Of Awareness

It’s October and we all will think of women with breast cancer, not because they are dying, but because the NFL will flaunt pink for the month. Yes, I know I sound bitter, but I believe that we have to do better. Cancer is now another way to make money, a new style. There is a cure, we just aren’t allowed to know about it,yet. It irritates me knowing that many companies are just advertising for the money and gaining recognition without truly caring for the sick. I think it's brave and cute that men wear pink, yet many of them are just trying to rock the gear, “save the boobies". Before you hop on and give money or buy clothes for breast cancer, how about taking the high road instead. Go visit someone with cancer and drop off a hat, look into their eyes and tell them that you care about their struggle. Sit with them for awhile and learn more about how they really feel and the ways cancer has changed their lives. We don’t need your promotions, we need your love.

Prayer is so powerful. I would lay in my bed and feel all the prayers hovering over me. I was so amazed at the works of the protection and recovery prayers that supported my soul, I can’t thank my friends and family enough. If you really want to make a difference, its the simple things that count. Just one pretty flower can brighten up our day; its a beautiful feeling to wake up to nature. Nature gives so much unconditional love, its like a portal for the angels to get closer to you. Despite our lack of energy, we still enjoy having guests over for lunch or dinner, hopefully accompanied by a few good jokes. We know you don’t fully understand, and we don’t expect you to. However we do expect you to show up, regardless of the fears you have and the words you can’t speak, let what you do reflect how you feel.

Before you start to express the dislikes of our actions while undergoing treatment, PLEASE remember that these ‘life saving’ drugs are deadly! They can easily wipe you out and that can change your life forever; if you don’t die physically, you surely can die mentally. Chemotherapy needs to be balanced out, and thats where steroids come into play. Understand me when I preach, do NOT judge the sick, we are not ourselves during the worse times of our lives. We barely understand how we are still standing, we feel very uncomfortable that we have this popular disease. We ask so many questions in the dark; "what is this? A punishment, a curse, a blessing in disguise?”. I swear that we sit at the bottom of the well, constantly looking up at the vultures staring down at us with hungry eyes. Its just the flesh that is sinking, the spirit is flying high, waiting for the drugs to fade away, so once again we can soar though the sky.

I was fortunate enough to have a bundle of great people around me during cancer, throwing parties at the house because I couldn’t go out to have fun. Staying very proactive and strong willed during my journey was my main focus; that was the only way I knew how to silence the fear in my heart. The side of my family that passed down the disease genetically noticed my strong strides, and presumed that I didn’t need much of their support, vanishing just as quickly as they had appeared. Several close friends bailed on me, for the fact that I was no longer trusted as a leader, nor viewed as someone fun to be around; I didn’t have the jokes and enthusiasm that I rendered before the diagnosis. My family tree came to show strong love, but of course some only came for hidden reasons.

Hurt by my sickness my father showed love in abnormal ways. I watched him sweat with his back turned to me while building me a meditation room, "such a lovely man, I assume". Oh Lord, my mother and sister; women of God, they sat with me when I wouldn’t speak for hours. Never did they judge me, but always strived to understand me and my actions. Struggling to make me smile, my mother would go out and buy all the food she thought I could eat, ignoring the fact that chemo had burned my tastebuds nearly completely. Pausing her life instantly, my sister rose before the sun to fix my shakes and prepare breakfast; when I continued losing weight, she’d buy me clothes that would actually fit. My brother who is all about his image, shaved his head bald so that we could literally look like twins, but it saddened me to see the fear and confusion in his eyes.

I spent all my time with God and our Angels, them training me for the fight against the demons and their leader. Those were the days that I learned how beautiful and disgusting the world is. I will never forget my experiences that left me feeling blessed and truly awakened. I thank God, the Universe for that wild ride, and I’m thanked in return for my attitude, my hope, my faith and willingness to change.

For those who loved of me and stuck with me while I was “strung out”, I love you- Ya’ll know who you are.

Cancer is bitter sweet, it’s you that can make life sweeter or more bitter than ever before.

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